When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
