i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I love you.
Bad choice
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
