My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
