omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
