He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
