Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
