there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
