So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
