i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I love you.
Bad choice
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
