Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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