you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
