i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
PANTIES FOUND
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