maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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