clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
