just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
