i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
