walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
