my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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