Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
