I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sarcasm needs its own font
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
