So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
