Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
