party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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