His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
