Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Its about making memories worth repressing
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
