I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
