Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
