first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
