I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
