Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
