Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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