I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
