Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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