if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
