new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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