um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
