And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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