I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think i have herpe
just one?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
