In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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