CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
