If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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