i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
