I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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