That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
