Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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