fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
