I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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