It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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