I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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