allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
