"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
