Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
