I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
