brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
