I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
